Secrets and Hints for Air Travel with Young Children

Air travel with kids. Yikes! Sometimes you want to. Sometimes you need to. Sometimes you have to.

Some children are born ready to travel. They are quiet, agreeable, cute and did I mention quiet? And then, there are some children who whose behavior on an airplane may result in their parent's nervous breakdown and fellow adult passengers deciding to maintain a child-free existence.

Fair or not. Right or wrong. Kids fly on planes. Usually with one or both parents. Without knowing your kids, I can't predict how well they will travel on an airplane. However, if your kid kicks and screams and tries to bite you while you are properly buckling them into the car seat and then throws everything within reach at you while wailing at the top of their lungs on the routine five minute drive to the grocery store...you may want to consider a chartered flight to your destination.

For others, I have some suggestions that may or may not be obvious and can make life just a little bit easier for yourself, and fellow passengers, when flying with children.

1 - I know this is old hat and overstated but...travel during "off peak" times and dates. Trying to travel on a Monday morning with your three precious children with thousands of business travelers is always a bad idea. Try Tuesday afternoons, Wednesdays, Thursday mornings, Saturdays and even on a holiday day...not the day before or after...but on Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Day. Stay away from 7-9am flights and 3-6pm flights...that is when the majority of business travelers are trying to fly around the country for business purposes.

2 - Get everywhere early. Get to the airport early. Get to the gate early. Until your youngest is three or so...take advantage of the coveted perk of pre-boarding! Being early will give you more options should things go wrong and can reduce trip stress caused by long lines at ticketing and security.

3 - Use the secret power of GATE PASSES! While your husband, family or friend that is driving you to the airport is not ticketed for flight, they can still accompany you to the gate!!! IT IS A HUGE HELP through security. It is also a life saver when you have a delayed flight and you can use the extra set of adult hands to help with potty breaks, food runs and just a bit of company. As long as your travel Sherpa has proper identification, you should be able to ask for and obtain a gate pass from a ticketing agent for your non-flying children helper (husband, friend or grandparent). Airlines usually limit the number of gate passes they will issue to one adult per child traveling. So, the grandparents may need to play a game of rock-paper-scissors to see who gets to walk you to the gate. Additionally, gate passes are also available on the landing end of flights. Your family or friends waiting for your arrival can ask agents at the ticketing desk for a gate passes to meet you at the arrival gate and help you get from the gate to baggage claim. The ticketing agent will require proper identification, the passenger's name and flight information. A gate pass holder will be required to show proper identification and their gate pass to enter and go through the security line. Gate passes have been a life saver for me and probably the best kept airline secret since 9/11!!! Use this feature...it is free and available to most commercial passengers.

4 - Call the airline after you book your e-tickets and make sure that you have firm seat assignments. Check and make sure the seats that you have been assigned make sense for you and your brood. Seats together towards the front of the plane are always a better. bet During this telephone call, you can check to see about your flight's plane amenities. Are there power ports available for DVD players or will you need to bring extra batteries? Will there be movies? Will they serve food or snacks? Keep in mind...Southwest does not provide seat assignments. So, see number 2 and get there early. And, make sure your print your boarding pass before getting to the airport...it speeds everything up!

5 - You can find just about everything an adult might need in the airport or on the plane but some child items are harder to come by if you don't bring them yourself. Bring extra sippy cups, diapers, formula and any special infant/child medicine in your diaper bag backpack (replace your traditional diaper bag with a easier to carry backpack when traveling). With delayed flights, bad weather or just plain bad luck, it is better to have more of the essentials when you are stuck for hours on end. You may also want to bring extra batteries because they are so darn expensive at the airport! Speaking of batteries, don't forget to pack your cell phone charger in your diaper bag backpack!!! When was the last time you tried to find and use a pay phone at an airport?

6 - Always have a couple (if not a whole box) of extra plastic lunch bags (quart or even gallon sized). These are valuable for a couple of reasons. Poopy diapers on planes seem to be an inevitable occurrence for mothers. So, make friends and fewer enemies when you provide odor control by sealing soiled diapers in a plastic bag before disposal. Also, plastic bags come in handy when you go through security. Just pop one out when you have forgotten to take the infant Tylenol and sample sized baby lotion out of your diaper bag backpack and you are facing an upset TSA agent. Don't throw them out, bag em!

7 - Take drink tickets with you on the plane!!! Buy drink tickets in advance, either through the website or at the ticketing desk. This rule is especially important on the bus in the sky I call Southwest. If your kids are going to be potentially horrible...passing out drink tickets to irritated seat mates always goes a long way! And, if nobody takes you up on your offer or everyone around you thinks that 8am on a Wednesday is too early to start drinking...first, check with yourself to make sure that you have someone meeting you when the plane lands...and I give you permission to enjoy having one drink per accompanying child prior to noon! Also, drink tickets are much easier to find and give to the flight attendant instead of rooting around your 22" carry-on purse for $3 to pay for a plastic cup of screw off top wine. Cheers!

8 - Take your child's birth certificate. Many airlines are now requiring birth certificates for babies and children when checking in for your flight. When traveling, I have found the request to see my son's birth certificate inconsistent but when they have wanted his birth certificate produced, they seemed very adamant about it. ALL CHILDREN NOW REQUIRE PASSPORTS for most international travel. The paperwork is pretty much the same and the application fees a bit less expensive for children but the picture taking is quite a bit more complicated. Most passport picture taking places will not take pictures of children under two. Dave yourself some time and call ahead to find a place who will take your child's passport photo. We drove all over town before we were finally referred to a local photographer take our son's picture for his passport. Also, if you are planning to travel to Mexico, Canada or the Caribbean over the holidays and you don't have a passport yet...get to it today! The current processing wait is long for passport


9 - Oh yeah, bring stuff your child will enjoy playing with in a very confined area. Crayons are iffy because you don't want to clean up crayon wall art on the plane. It is also a HUGE hassle to try to pick stuff up off of the floor while seated on a plane...so, small things that your child may throw is always suspect in my book. I am a big fan of cheap, portable DVD players playing the now controversial Baby Einstein videos. Believe it or not, plane noise is so loud that you generally do not have to try to get your 14 month old to wear earphones (ha!ha!) and the built in speaker will allow your child to hear without the whole plane enjoying Nickelodeon's version of The People on the Bus. However, hands down, fellow passengers would rather listen to your DVD than crying kids...even if it is old Barney CDs!

10 - It usually takes a lot of patience to travel with kids. So, get a little bit of rest before your big travel day and don't forget to ask for help when you need it. Most fellow passengers and flight attendants will be more than happy to assist you with bulky luggage, too much stuff to carry and even watching one of the kids while you change the other in the bathroom. However, most people are not mind readers and will not usually offer assistance unless you ask for it. Just don't forget to say please and thank you! And, oh yeah, hand them a drink ticket!

Happy Travels! For more tips and hints, double click you way to the http://www.travelwithkids.com/ website. MomSquack (one of my daily favorites) wrote a great article for breast feeding mothers called Flying with pumped breast milk: New guidelines.

Have another travel tip? Please leave a comment and let others in your proven travel secrets!

Be well and enjoy your Labor Day Weekend!

Erin
www.ExpectingExecutive.com
Helping Busy Mothers Manage Life's Details

Daycare is NOT a Dirty Word!

I love daycare! Okay, childcare for those of you who feel opposed to the word daycare. I love childcare!!!

I support childcare. I encourage childcare. I am proud of each and every parent that has taken the time to carefully review, select and enroll you children in childcare. And, that includes those of you who have talked one of your relatives into beginning a personal childcare service enrolling only your child "for the short term".

I love and appreciate the time, patience, talents and dedication of childcare employees and childcare business owners. If you haven't thanked your childcare provider lately, it might be nice to remind them you really appreciate them today.

If you are a parent who is feeling guilty about having your child in daycare while you are working, I would suggest spending a few minutes on your lunch break peeking in on them while they are hanging out with their fellow childcare buddies. Chances are pretty good that your kid is having a blast!

When you these little kids all together in rooms with furniture just their size, playing with more toys than you would ever want in your home at one time, it is something funny to see. While you are at work feeling guilty, you child is dancing and reading and destroying other people's books! Together they learn to share, walk in a line and sit in a circle and play duck-duck-goose. In daycare, kids learn manners like "no hitting", "no biting" and taking turns. Daycare also teaches kids trust, respect and mind other adult authority.

You also get to enjoy the cute arts and crafts that your child brings home from "school" without the mess. Honestly, would you really make those cute little crafts at home? Would you really allow the use of tempra paint in your house? Do you even know where you would buy it in the first place? How about laminated place mats? Do you really see yourself making laminated construction paper place mats? But, that art sure looks cute in your cubicle!

Believe me, daycare is NOT hell on earth for children. It is actually really fun! And, kids learn some really valuable skills that may benefit you in ways you may never think of! Take for instance, learning to take a nap on the floor in semi-loud and semi-bright conditions. That ALWAYS helps when you get stuck in an airport or when you are at a wedding reception that will never end and your tipsy husband refuses to leave because you lost at rock/scissors/paper and got to be the designated driver for the evening! Who knew?!?!?!

Our country's employers, parents, grandparents and children need and want quality, safe, reliable and affordable childcare. And, not only is okay...it is GREAT! Quality childcare is in high demand and there are amazing people and wonderful companies that are meeting that demand with flying colors. In addition, there are a good many people working in Washington, DC in an effort to improve the access and availability of affordable, quality childcare nationwide. I hope that childcare becomes an election issue in this long and already tedious presidential election campaign.

For the record, I would like to take a moment and apologize to loving childcare providers everywhere who have been offended when weeping and defensive mothers refer to you as the stranger when they cry "I don't want some stranger raising my baby". Those words must sting. It is mean spirited to unkindly demean an unknown childcare professional in an effort to justify not utilizing childcare.

It has been my experience that these harsh words are uttered when SOMEONE (cough) would prefer to be a stay-at-home mom instead of returning to work. It is NOT your fault...it was the hormones talking! I am not proud of what I said when my son was just seven weeks old! I am sorry I uttered those words and I am really sorry that I quit my job in those moments of hormonal self-torture. What a bone head move on my part. But, I also chopped my hair off into what I was sure was going to be an "easy to style" haircut! Well, we will leave that story for another day.

Anyway, just so you know, I appreciate and admire the average 32 hours per week that you, trusted childcare provider, will spend watching the babies of new mothers returning to work. So, if I am doing my math correctly and there are 168 hours in a week and 32 hours per week spent with a childcare provider...that comes out to less than 20% of a seven day week! Well, I would hardly call that "raising" a child. Geesh! It is what I would call childcare!

For those of you who are already getting upset and defensive because you personally WOULD NEVER use daycare or childcare, be forewarned, you are NOT my intended audience. If you are happy and content with your choice to not utilize a daycare or childcare provider, that is great. I respect and applaud your convictions and recognize the sacrifices that you are making to care for your children as you see fit. However , I must warn you that regardless of your reasoning for being a stay-at-home mom, you become one of the statistics for childcare studies anyway. Stay-at-home-moms fall under the "unpaid relatives" or "non-working mother" static in national childcare surveys and reports.

Childcare statistics are fascinating in good and bad ways. According to the National Association of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies (see fact sheet), there are well over two million people out there earning money taking care of our nation's children under the age of five. More than half work in "formal" child care settings, like commercial and home-based daycare facilities, and everyone else would be categorized as a nanny, babysitter or paid relative (not a parent). Not surprisingly, about 95% of childcare providers are women. That's a whole lot of women in our country earning money taking care of other people's children. Unfortunately, the average wage for these women falls just under $9.00 per hour. Yikes!

According the Nation's Network of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies organization, there are 12 million kids out there under five that are being cared for by someone other than their mom or dad. And, more than 50% of those kids have mothers who work! Gasp! The US Census Bureau published the Who's Minding the Kids: Child Care Arrangements, an interesting and comprehensive report regarding childcare. Shhh, don't tell, but there are some surprising statistics regarding the "unpaid" or "non-working" parent group and their use of paid child care.

Let's face it ladies, there are more mothers who are working and using childcare than full-time stay at home mothers who are not. And, it really doesn't matter if you personally feel that childcare or mothers who work is "bad" or "good". More mothers work. It's a fact.

So, then, if you are thinking about childcare, need childcare, or want to reevaluate your current childcare, here are some places on the good old world wide web that I found to be interesting, helpful or a little bit of both.

I like the Healthy Kids, Healthy Care website. This website covers just about everything a parent (and childcare provider) would want to know about the health and safety of children as it relates to childcare givers. It provides parents a well written and easy to use Parent's Guide to Choosing Safe and Healthy Childcare that I thought would be really helpful to review and use as you are evaluating local childcare providers.

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the http://www.childcareaware.org/ website! This website is a good one to bookmark if there is a child in your life. They have some very resourceful tools like a child care budget and a FANTASTIC on-line tool that walks parents step-by-step through the "return to work or stay-at-home" decision. They thoughtfully refer to it as a Family Decision Making Tool. This site also has links to other quality tools such as how to choose and evaluate child care providers, helping with summer childcare, and general parenting information. I love their choices of publications, available in English and Spanish. I am AMAZED that will also mail a single report or publication directly to your home (or even a bulk order to your childcare facility) at no charge!!!

The Nation's Network of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies organization works with more than 800 state and local childcare referral organizations nationwide and this website is a phenomenal resource for rural families, military families and disadvantaged households. I also like the fantastic list of games, activities, music and more for your children by age. This organization does a lot with public policy and working toward promoting the implementation of national standards and federal funding for child care. Right now, individual states determine and control childcare licensing requirements, laws and most of the available governmental funding for childcare programs. They can point you in the right direction if you wanted to get involved in helping them with federal policy and childcare issues.

The National Child Care Association also has a Child Care Provider Database as well as a great Resources/Links page. This website is well worth a look but did not have a lot for parents as other web resources.

Each of the above listed websites have links that can provide your state's childcare licensing requirements. I also found most of these websites to have many valuable childcare and child related parenting tools and resources. There were some cool articles on infant brain and learning development, strategies for working through different infant/toddler behaviors as well as suggestions and guidance on nutrition, education and age appropriate activities. There are really helpful reading, teaching and learning resources available for home based mothers, babysitters and childcare providers.

Still looking for childcare? I found some websites out there that are getting pretty good on-line reviews. I can't personally vouch for any of them but they may be worth looking into. If you are aware of them or use them, I would love your feedback! http://www.sittercity.com/ - http://www.nanny.org/ - http://www.findcarenow.com/ - http://www.nannies4hire.com/ - http://www.childcare-directory.com/ - http://www.get-a-sitter.com/ - http://www.daycarematch.com/ - http://www.care.com/

I wanted to make you aware of a childcare assistance program for our amazing and brave men and women in uniform! Operation Military Child Care will help locate and subsidize fees to provide childcare for those caring for children who have a parent(s) in the military who have been activated and deployed. Operation Military Child includes parents in the National Guard, Reserve, Army, Marine Corps, Navy, and Air Force. Additionally, the NACCCRA and the Department of Defense have partnered to provide families of severely injured military members with assistance to find and pay for safe, licensed child care services for a period of six months during their period of recuperation. Check NACCCRA Military Programs for the on-line application. I would like to thank each and every member of the uniformed services for your service! I sleep better tonight knowing that you are protecting our country and my family.

What about childcare for children with disabilities? There are some great resources and support for kids with mental or physical challenges...not to mention some really important civil rights. The Department of Justice has a great site for parents and providers called FAQ About Child Care Centers and the Americans with Disabilities Act. There is also fantastic booklet for both parents and childcare providers called Child Care and the Americans with Disabilities Act: Opportunities and Resources offered through The Center for Children with Special Needs website. While this site is supported by the state of Washington, there are some terrific resources and planning materials for parents and caregivers working with children with special needs.

The Council for Exceptional Children is a great place to stay up to date on what is going on in Washington, DC. They help you stay informed about laws and public policy as it relates to your children! They also have some helpful learning and teacher resources for early childhood and disabilities. There is even a have a classified section where you can list an ad for a certified teacher in your area to care for your infant or toddler!

The Division for Early Childhood is another website with helpful information. They publish Young Exceptional Children quarterly and have a great resources/weblink page. One of the links is to The Technical Assistance Center which offers a contact office in every state to help parents find educational and care support for children with disabilities. I also found this great universal resources and nationwide links on California's Map to Inclusive Child Care. A must visit, if you have not been there already!

I also liked the website, Parents Helping Parents. This site is an information gathering and sharing e-community for parents of children with disabilities. Somewhere among the on-line disability specific support forums, events, classes, equipment swaps, financial assistance and government updates...the online resource page has a list of child care providers for children with disabilities. However, most of them are found in California. This is a great website that is sure to help parents, siblings and child care providers alike.

There are two websites that I have to highly recommend everyone appreciate and support:

Best Buddies is a nonprofit organization dedicated to enhancing the lives of people with intellectual disabilities by providing opportunities for one-to-one friendships and integrated employment.

Bandaids and Blackboards - The intent of the website is to sensitize people to what it's like to grow up with a medical problem. Too often, youngsters so affected must cope with stigma as well as with their medical conditions. Teasing often accompanies this stigma, and adds a layer of pain to their experience of childhood.

While am certainly not finished with the childcare issue at Expecting Executive Blog, I am almost finished with this post. I admit I might have seemed a touch snarky at the beginning of this post but I am truly disheartened and quite frankly fed up with the way that some women are speaking to each other regarding motherhood. I am finding this media induced confrontation between stay-at-home and working mothers mean, unhelpful and quite frankly rude! I would like challenge every mother who feels somehow "offended" or "impassioned" by the viewpoints of another mother to take a moment and really observe why you are reacting so strongly.

Motherhood is complicated.

Every single mother and child's life has so many variables that it is absolutely impossible to be "right" about everything all of the time. Every mother has a responsibility to herself and her children to do the best that she is able with the resources that are available. Whatever your own situation may be, motherhood will be complicated.

You have my non-judgmental support, encouragement, enthusiasm, empathy and compassion. And, at http://www.expectingexecutive.com/, we will do what we are able to provide you with support and resources to assist you as you manage the details.

So, hug your kids and take them to the library! Forgive yourself, be nice to one another and come back next Monday for another post from the Expecting Executive Blog!

Be well,

Erin

I Worry About Old People

Well, it may not be politically correct but I am trying to get your attention. I worry about old people. A lot. I worry about lonely old people. I worry about depressed old people. I worry about sick old people. I worry about neglected old people. I worry that we are not collectively worried more about old people.

I have never been one to see a glass as half empty. I am usually an upbeat and borderline obnoxious "happy" person. I smile. I believe in the general goodness of people. I believe that there is no sense in judging the way someone else is living their life unless you are willing to be a part of it. I believe in free speech. I believe in respecting people's passions, hopes and dreams. I believe in encouraging, promoting and celebrating common decency between people regardless of race, religion, politics, sexual and lifestyle preference, social or economic status and age. I would really like to see people be just a tiny bit kinder to one another.

And, I worry about old people. And, you should too.

So, there was an article published today in CNN's Health section authored by Andree LeRoy, M.D. titled Exhaustion, anger of caregiver get name and it is well worth a quick read and some consideration. There appears to be a growing concern that caregivers, both professional and familial(informal), are suffering and may not even be aware of it. According to Dr. LeRoy's article, the medical community is on the verge of defining a new medical condition, "caregiver syndrome". However, "caregiver syndrome" can't become a medically acceptable diagnosis (meaning insurance won't pay for it) until the American Psychiatric Association adopts and publishes the syndrome, it's definition, diagnosis and treatment in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. But, don't hold your breath, the next publication is due sometime in 2010 and it is not clear enough acceptable research and studies will be published and available for review to satisfy the APA for proper consideration. Regardless of the potential APA anointment, caregivers are more susceptible to mental and physical maladies than doctor's are recognizing and treating.

However, I am glad to see that mainstream media is sounding the alarm. Are you paying attention?

According to the Brookings Institution Mapping the Growth of Older America report, by 2010 more than 76 million people over the age of 55 will live in the United States. That number is estimated to explode to 97 million by 2020. That is not a lot of time for us to figure out how we, as a country, are going to manage the expected impacts of our aging population on the public and private infrastructures of our lives. Most elderly resources are already stretched when it comes to elderly services and resources. Retirement communities are popping up all over the country. Weekly classifieds, online career websites and even Johnson & Johnson commercials are looking, begging, for people to consider careers in nursing and health care. Reverse mortgages are being hawked by lending companies and home security companies are offering 24 hour emergency communication devices that look like jewelry. We have seen an explosion of geriatric related medicine to manage cholestoral, high blood pressure, male and female incontinance, diabetes, arthritis, impotence and there surely more to come. Not to mention clothing, shoes, food, vitamins, home accessories, vacations, travel and social clubs, dating and shopping services and exercise programs specifically developed to serve the AARP eligible consumer. There is improved surgical technologies to replace joints, teeth, organs and hair. Others may take advantage of lasers to improve eyesight, clean up vericose veins and erase crow's feet. The collective will and financial backing of the 80 million aging baby boomers, those born between 1946 and 1965, have revised, reshaped and redefined every aspect and expectation of religion, government, education, medicine, business and society. Hip, hip, hooray!

But are we prepared to care for this high maintenance, high expectation elderly baby boomer generation?

It is unwise to underestimate the financial impact, potential health risks and significant life disruption that eldercare demands. According to the Family Caregiver Alliance published report Women and Caregiving: Facts and Figures, not surprisingly, women shoulder the lion's share of "informal" caregiving responsibilities. The report also offered some personally surprising statistics. It cites the National Alliance for Caregiving, & AARP Family caregiving in the U.S.: Findings from a national survey when they report that the average caregiver is age 46, female, married and working outside the home earning an annual income of $35,000.

While individual caregiving responsibilities and circumstances vary, most situations will require time, financial, emotional and medical resources. Others caregivers may also require legal assistance, home and vehicle modifications to accommodate wheelchairs, estate management, temporary relocation, flexible work arrangements, a federally protected unpaid leave of absence, or even face early work retirement. In addition to direct caregiving costs, studies suggest that women suffer greater financial impacts due to the time demands required as a caregiver. The stressful balance of work and caregiving often asks women to suffer lost wages, less favorable employee reviews, missed raises and potential promotion opportunities due to work absences. Long term financial implications include reduced savings and pension contributions and lost pension or retirement income due to early retirement.

Financial and environmental stressors play a significant part in a caregiver's physical and mental well-being. Caregivers often overlook or dismiss their own physical and mental needs as they are tending to the well-being of another. Caregivers are physically prone to battle high blood pressure, increased risk of heart disease and hypertension, poor diet and exhaustion. While heavy emotions surrounding the declining health of a loved one leaves caregivers quite vulnerable to depression, anxiety attacks and aggressive behavior. Uncomfortable and unmanaged feelings of guilt, resentment, grief and even anger can fuel alcohol and substance abuse and even lead to addiction. Caregiving often significantly changes the interpersonal dynamics in marriages, sibling, extended family, friends and co-worker relationships.

This is what my father calls a "pay me now or pay me more" situation. If you currently care for, or anticipate caregiving for, a spouse, parent, in-law, other relative, neighbor or friend, there is much you can discuss, plan and arrange in advance to reduce the stress and complications that often surround eldercare. Having cerebral and inclusive conversations regarding the management of finances, legal authorities, medical care, living arrangements, end of life decisions and funeral desires greatly assist family, friends and professionals in establishing both general and specific eldercare expectations. As awkward and uncomfortable it may be, it is in everyone's best interest to make and document many of these decisions in the absence of high emotion and intense pressure.

I very highly recommend visiting www.Caregiving.org and reading Aging Parents and Common Sense - A Practical Guide for You and Your Parents published by Axa Equitable to get you started. The award winning publication offers important tips and strategies to get the conversation started.

Be well,
ExpectingExecutive
Helping Today's Busy Mother Manage Life's Details

ExpectingExecutive Furious with Newsweek's Yummy vs. Slummy Article

August 8, 2007


TO: Kathleen Deveney - Asst. Managing Editor, Newsweek; Jon Meacham, Editor, Newsweek

CC:Mainstream Media outlets, BlogHer.org, the entire Blogosphere

FR: ExpectingExecutive

RE: Newsweek, August 13, 2007, Volume CL, No. 7. Pages 44, 45. Family: Yummy vs. Slummy


Dear Ms. Deveney and Mr Meacham,

As you are well aware, it has been a news filled few weeks. I have to say that I continue to be disappointed with the ever increasing use of sensationalism in the news media. An attribute once reserved to pepper Hollywood related reporting now saturates every aspect of mainstream media news and it is really unnecessary. The coverage of the Minneapolis bridge collapse, the Sunday debates and now the men trapped in the Utah mine has been no exception. However, it is Newsweek that has forced it's way past the generous boundaries of my tolerance with the media.

I am, for the record, furious!

The August 13, 2007 Newsweek squandered two entire pages...pages 44 & 45...when you allowed Kathleen Deveny (with Julie Scelfo) to publish an article that might have easily been confused with a run of the mill mother-hack rant found on the general blogosphere, NOT in Newsweek. Shame, shame, shame on you!!!

Ms. Deveney, may I call you Kathleen? Kathleen, I would like to know I what I have done to you to deserve your broadly brushed personal criticism? Are circulation numbers so high at Newsweek that Jon Meacham has given you the green light to to alienate your current and future intelligent maternal readers by referring to me, and others, as narcissistic mommies?

Do you really want to know why YOU think I am a "narcissistic mommy"? HEY LADY - IT'S BECAUSE I READ NEWSWEEK. I read and absorb all of the fear based reports and studies and surveys and expert opinions that mainstream media - LIKE NEWSWEEK - continues to publish insisting that I, the narcissistic mommy, must read so that I may adequately protect, feed, nurture, medicate, educate and provide for my child! I read your "newsmagazine" and then you offend me for intellectualizing what I read. Come off it.

If I sound mad - good - I am. I am truly tired of shiftless journalists. I am "fed up" with lazy copy editors. Am I to quietly accept being overlooked, offended and used by mainstream media while Kathleen gets two full pages to have a bizarre pity party about the very subjects she insists on promoting?

I, too, know all about this trumped up mommy war. But, let me let you in on a little secret sister. Don't tell anyone you heard it from me but, there is no mommy war! The media continues to abuse this destructive, abused and played out phrase. Is it just my imagination or is this invisible mommy war is the media's favorite topic on slow news days? Give it a rest already. The media loves to create and cover a good cat fight...just look at The View. Please, please, please stop using the "mommy wars" to make a mockery of women.

Raise the standard, I dare you!

On that note, Kathleen, I have to ask you, what has happened to your writing? What is the root cause of your transformation from intelligent business writer to authoring today's published article titled Yummy vs. Slummy? Why have you abandoned your writing talents and replaced your once thoughtful and provocative articles with boring, unhelpful and banal content? And, why on earth are you taking Julie down this mindless journalistic path with you?

Do you honestly believe that I am the slightest bit interested in Brittany, Paris, Nicole or Lindsay? Do you really think that the your media obsession with these young women is more important to me than my concern about the sharply rising costs of sending my kids to college? To borrow your phrase, "I am bored to death with talking, hearing and reading about" twenty-something Hollywood creations and their train wreck lives that have been fabricated and financed by mainstream media. I don't know these girls you continue to insist that I should. Their girls and their lives make no sense to me. Besides, I don't have time in my narcissistic mommy day to think about them. According to your article, I am much too busy bothering you by talking to my narcissistic mommy friends about how to balance life and work.

Kathleen, if you are so terribly bored with all of the snotty mommy messages, mommy blogs and mommy-lit why would you submit enough words to cover two entire Newsweek pages to review yet another insipid mommy book? If you are so unimpressed with the headline: LAID-BACK MOTHERS GAINING GROUND ON THE PERFECT MOM...what editorial criterion leads you to believe that YUMMY VS. SLUMMY is setting a higher standard?

If you don't like what you read, don't give it any more undeserved attention in NEWSWEEK! Are you new to this whole media thing ? Geesh?!?! Or maybe, maybe, you are writing out of both sides of your mouth?

What really disappoints me is that there are so many important things that you could have discussed using the precious ink on pages 44 & 45. Things that I deserve to have you properly investigate, report and discuss. You really blew it this week. I'd like to remind you that your position, resources and media access affords you enviable opportunities and the inherent responsibility to make real differeneces with your writing. Maybe it is time to look in the mirror and resolve to get out of your own narcissistic managing editor way and do some good.

But, I have to warn you, if you want to stick with this "Hollywood low hanging fruit news shtick" thing you've got going - I might suggest heading over to Harvey Levin's place and see if he needs another qualified staff writer. You may fit in a little better.

While you are mulling over your career possibilities, I have a few personally important subject suggestions for upcoming Newsweek Family articles. I am offering you the opportunity to make this right:

Postpartum Depression: It is not a "boring" mommy topic. PPD is horrible. PPD has the ability to wrap it's ugly tentacles around new mothers and inflict tremendous hurt and pain to the mother and entire family. PPD knows no color, culture or economic status. PPD does not care if it's next victim is a Newsweek reader . But, lawmakers in Washington, DC may read Newsweek and voters may read Newsweek. Currently, our lawmakers are butchering some important PPD legislation that would actually improve the lives of women. How about you get working on a well written article about the potential legislative disaster threatening the postpartum depression bill? This narcissistic mother would really appreciate it if you would pay some well written attention to this issue.

Childcare: What about an article covering what happened to all of these "modern feminists in the 60's" who "prized their professional roles at the expense of family" when they were singled out and collectively spurned by President Nixon when he vetoed the Comprehensive Child Development Act. Important legislation passed by Congress in 197? This critical legislation supported by the House and the Senate that would have made child care available to all children was flatly denied to working women by President Nixon. That's not boring. Why don't you find a study to publish or write a fear based article to enlighten our lawmakers about the financial and mental impact that veto had on "those feminists"? Why don't you document the impact of that veto and lack of congressional follow-up that continues to have on today's working families? Or, as your article suggests, should we just get over it?

Healthcare: How about healthcare? Please don't tell me that you are also "bored to death" with the healthcare crisis that is affecting the health and well-being of so many mothers and children in this country. But wait - Strike that - Bad idea! Even if it didn't bore you, I wouldn't want Newsweek to risk loosing any advertising revenue if you were to call healthcare industry leaders a few of the nasty names you so carelessly threw at me. Tell me Kathleen, why is it that you feel entitled to call me a narcissistic mommy because I worry about the health of my child and the potential impact of the uninsured ill children that may attend his school with him. Healthcare is a universal problem. Write about it.

Am I done? Not quite. You, all of you that worked on this Newsweek article, really have some nerve. I am positive that you, as a whole, have irritated, angered, offended, bewildered, insulted and alienated some remarkable women who share their messages, visions, experiences, hopes and passions using on-line forums, blogs, social networks and websites. You need not search far to find truly exceptional women bloggers. Bloggers whose writing far surpasses your mediocre literary standard. These are women with visions, projects and causes that would benefit enormously with the mere mention of their blog or name in your article. You provide MILFs with the free press instead? Come on!

Of the 50 million blogs out there you, you found Yummy Mummies but could not find http://www.blogher.org/ and source some women bloggers worthy of your mention? Women who rightly boast impressive educational, professional and life experience. Women who have tirelessly devoted time, money, and passion to develop and promote amazing and relevant blogs.

Here is one more dare - I double dog dare you to answer Joanne Bamberger's (PunditMom) blog post MSM Not Interested in BlogHer? Why don't you and Julie take some time to explain to PunditMom why neither of you, or anyone from Newsweek, failed to cover last week's BlogHer Conference in Chicago. Where was the media when 800+ blogging women gathered for three days to discuss local, national and worldwide concerns and issues? Aren't you interested to know that these amazing women are organized and working together to develop strategies to harness and engage their collective influence? Isn't that worth your attention?

Why don't you take some time over the next few days and browse around http://www.blogher.org/, the community for women who blog. I would also suggest that you may want to reach out to the three BlogHer.org co-founders; Lisa Stone, Elisa Camahort and Jory Des Jardins . Maybe they will grant you an interview. I am sure they would love to share a few of the BlogHer initiatives with Newsweek readers. It might be a nice touch if you would ask Kristin Darguzas for a media kit and do a little advertising. Then, I may forgive you.

Quite sincerely,

ExpectingExecutive

http://www.expectingexecutive.com/
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